Some people say there is a ketchup controversy. There is no controversy.
Hot dog vendors in Chicago, reknowned for their worship of the hot dog, understand that ketchup is popular with children because they like sweet stuff, so they don't argue with kids who order it. But if you are over 18, never, ever, no how, no way, allow ketchup nowhere near a proper hot dog.
In Chicago, if you want ketchup on your dog, they'll point you to the bottles used for garnishing French fries and tell you to "go rune it yourself."
This is not just a Chicago prejudice. We'll let Dirty Harry make the point. In the film "Sudden Impact", Clint Eastwood, playing detective Harry Callahan, a.k.a. Dirty Harry, appearing at a crime scene, blows his top while watching a cop munching on a hot dog: "Nah, this stuff isn't getting to me, the shootings, the knifings, the beatings, old ladies being bashed in the head for their social security checks. Nah, that doesn't bother me. But you know what does bother me? You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? It's watching you stuff your face with those hotdogs. Nobody, I mean nobody puts ketchup on a hot dog."
Here's a true story from a friend, Merrill Powers: "My son has been frequenting Gene & Jude's, a well known Chicago hot dog joint. I had never been there and he asked if we could go there for lunch. Not being one to deny myself a good lunch, I agreed. While in a very long line, he says, 'They have the worlds best ketchup here, you have got to try it. It's not bottled, I think they make it here.' OK, 17 year old son being helpful, I should have been suspicious. Following his advice, I asked for my dog with ketchup and onions. The entire line stopped, leered at me and I was told to go to the back of the line. They were serious. They would not serve me! They don't even have ketchup for their fries. Which are fresh cut and out of this world. My son and his friend were laughing hysterically! I had the last laugh though... I had the money and he had to go to the back with me! He didn't think that part was funny."
In the 2005 remake of the movie Bad News Bears, Tanner Boyle declares "My dad says the only people who put ketchup on hot dogs are mental patients, and Texans."
The late great Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Mike Royko said it better than anyone: "No, I won't condemn anyone for putting ketchup on a hot dog. This is the land of the free. And if someone wants to put ketchup on a hot dog and actually eat the awful thing, that is their right. It is also their right to put mayo or chocolate syrup or toenail clippings or cat hair on a hot dog. Sure, it would be disgusting and perverted, and they would be shaming themselves and their loved ones. But under our system of government, it is their right to be barbarians."
Amen.
This page was revised 7/6/2009
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Absolutely, positively no ketchup on hot dogs.
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