Above, a real Cambro. Below, a faux Cambro.

Save Your Butt with a Faux Cambro

No bigger blow to one's manhood than standing in the dining room while the wife's mashed potatoes and string beans give out their last gasp of steam as you announce that the ribs are still not ready.

The problem is that it's a lot harder to control the temperature of most outdoor cookers than your kitchen oven. Only a few electrics and gas units have thermostats, and there's that pesky wind, rain, and snow screwing things up. As a result, it is really really tricky to have the meat ready when your guests start pounding the table. But try to explain that to their growling stomachs.

Here's a trick that will save your butt as well as your ribs, brisket, and turkey: The faux Cambro. A Cambro is an indispensable tool to caterers. It is an insulated box in which they carry hot foods to weddings on the beach and keep them in the safe zone, above 145°F. But you don't need to buy a Cambro, you probably have one in the garage: A plastic beer cooler. If you don't have one, now's the time to get one.

Buy a plastic beer cooler large enough to hold a big turkey or packer brisket. Make sure it is well insulated, make sure it seals tightly, make sure it is easy to drain because you may want to use it for brining things, and make sure it is easy to clean. Wheels are a nice accessory. Buy an aluminum pan that fits inside to help with cleanup, and keep a roll of heavy duty aluminum foil and an two old towels (clean) on hand.

Here's how to use it: If you think it will take three hours to smoke your turkey, then put it on about 4 hours before you plan to serve it. Use a good meat thermometer and keep an eye on the temperature in the thickest part of the breast. If it appears that the meat is going too fast, you can try to reduce the heat. But if it finishes an hour or so before dinner time, no prob.

Pour about 3 gallons of hot tap water into your faux Cambro and close the lid. Let it heat up for about 30 minutes. Dump out the water. Put one towel in the bottom, and put the disposable aluminum pan on top to catch leaks. Wrap the turkey in foil, leave the meat thermometer probe in, place the meat in the pan, and lay the second towel on top. Close the lid but allow the thermometer cable to hang out under the lid if possible, and you're all set. I've kept meats in a faux Cambro for three hours and they were well above 145°F. If you don't have a good digital meat thermometer, get one. Here's a buying guide to thermometers. I use a Maverick Thermometer with a cable so I can check the temp periodically.

A faux Cambro is not only handy for making sure your meat is ready when your wife's side dishes are done, thereby insuring you do not have to sleep on the couch, this is a great way to get that extra turkey to your sister's house on Thanksgiving or the ribs to the game. I also use it for brining my turkeys. Just make sure you clean it thoroughly after brining or storing soft drinks. Use soaps with bleach such as Comet or a dilute chlorine solution of one gallon of water with 1-2 ounces of bleach.

If you don't have a faux Cambro, permit me to recommend the Coleman 40 Quart Cooler (shown at right). Capacious (holds 67 beer cans), with can holders in the lid, large wheels, a long tow handle, and a drain plug. The manufacturer says it is sturdy enough to sit on, and keeps ice for 6-7 days at ambient temperatures up to 90°F. For discount pricing on the 40 quart and direct ordering from Amazon.com, click here. For the 50 quart unit, click here. Buy two coolers, while you're at it. Can't forget the beer.

This page was revised 11/22/2008